One Simple Tool to Improve Your Marriage

1simpletoolDr. Tony Campolo says that he can give you one simple tool that will make your marriage better, no matter how you’re doing right now.

Imagine what it would look like if you and your spouse were really, truly in love. Imagine what it would look like if you weren’t fighting and it was like the best times you’ve ever had—or even the best times you never had. Then think about this and answer a question: in your imagined scenario, what were ten things you did (not your spouse, but you!) every day that you’re not doing now?

Dr. Campolo’s advice is simple: whatever those ten things are—do them!

He says, “My prescription for creating love is simple: do ten things each day that you would do if you really were in love. I know that if people do loving things, it will not be long before they experience the feelings that are identified with being in love. Love is not those feelings. Love is what one wills to do to make the other person happy and fulfilled. Often, we don’t realize that what a person does influences what he feels.”

This is good advice. It follows the model of Jesus. “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them.” (Matthew 7:12).

Here’s some real good news: this prescription doesn’t work only in marriages. It works in all of our relationships. Trouble with the kids? How would you act if you had a great relationship with them? Do it! Irritating boss? Act like he isn’t. Want one more application? Are you having trouble with your faith? I’m not asking you to be a fraud; I’m asking you to live into the instructions of Jesus, and see if things don’t work out.